Marriage, a lifelong pledge that entwines two lives, is a voyage filled with joy, challenges, and growth. As couples navigate the complexities of married life, they often seek advice on how to develop a thriving and fulfilling partnership. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for a successful marriage, the wisdom of those who have experienced the highs and lows can offer priceless insights.
Mutual Respect
“Respecting your partner, being mindful of things they’re doing, etc.”
“Learn when your partner is focused on something, and avoid interrupting them.”
“Respect each other’s need for free time away from each other.”
Communication
“I’m terrible at communication. What I won’t do is blame him for my lack of clarity.”
“When you’re married for a while, it might feel like your partner can read your mind – but they can’t.”
Don’t Hold A Grudge
“Sometimes you’re wrong, and sometimes they’re wrong. Don’t keep score.”
“Don’t keep score. Forgive and forget, or if anything, move on.”
Empathy
“Love your partner the way they need to be loved, not the way you need to be loved.”
“Asking [about how they need to be loved] can be a very nice gesture.”
Accept Honesty… Even If It’s Not What You Want To Hear
“Sometimes you might hear things you don’t like, but if you punish this honesty, the communication line will close.”
“Neither of you is perfect, and you will make mistakes.”
Don’t Weaponize Their Insecurities
“Early in relationships, a lot of disclosure over personal things brings you together. Don’t throw these things in your s/o’s face during hard times.”
Don’t Punish Them
“My wife admitted tearfully to me once that she had taken out two credit cards, then maxed them out.”
“I never once raised my voice or blamed her for messing up. It’s been mentioned since, but never as a stick to beat her with. Everyone makes bad decisions.”
“You can get angry and should be expected to be angry. What you mean is never lash out at someone who knows they screwed up.”
Arguments Aren’t About Winning or Losing
“There’s no ‘winning’ an argument. You either mutually agree, or you’ve both lost.”
“We’re both good at recognizing when we’re in the wrong. We’re both good at apologizing and meaning it.”
Remember, Both Parties Are Human
“Sometimes you’ll be helping each other poop, puke, or both and cleaning it up. Don’t ever bring this back up to humiliate the other.”
“My wife is pregnant and kind of emotional. We have an agreement that I can’t laugh at her farts unless she laughs first.”
Pregnancy Hormones Are Something Else
“You may see a different (more emotional) side of your wife.”
“Whatever happens through the next 12 months, just try to be supportive of her.”
Don’t Nit-Pick
“Don’t correct the other person unless it’s important. More generally, pick your battles.”
“My wife misspeaks all the time. Tonight she asked me to put ‘ice on the front step.’ I know she meant salt; what good would pointing it out make?”
Financial Health is Important
“I’m not married, but my dad once told me to never make a big purchase without talking to my spouse about it and to never hold money against each other.”
Have Separate Blankets
“My friend told me it’s two blankets on the bed, one for each of you.”
“My wife and I use separate blankets. It’s fantastic.”
“It took us two years or so to get there, but it makes sleeping much more enjoyable.”
Separate Beds Is Not A Bad Thing
“My grandparents sleep in separate rooms. It seemed weird as a kid, but I would totally be down now.”
“We have always done this due to sleep habits.”
You Both Need Space
“If he wants to veg out and play video games for a couple of hours, let him. If she wants to unwind watching reality tv or reading books, let her.”
“Time. Alone. Is. Required.”
“At this very moment, my husband is playing video games, and I’m vegging on the couch online. We both need time to unwind on our own.”
Don’t Be Disrespectful
“NOT IN PUBLIC, OR IN CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, OR IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.”
“My wife and I made an agreement that we wouldn’t complain to others. If we have problems, we need to work them out between each other.”
Don’t Hold The 50/50 Things As Gospel
“50-50 doesn’t exist. In fact, it’s harmful. What you’re looking for is 60-40: sometimes you get 60, sometimes you get 40.”
“My dad always said it should be 100/100. You aren’t half of a couple. You are your own, complete person sharing your life with another whole person.”
“My dad always says that a successful marriage/relationship is where both parties feel like the lucky one.”
Have a Good Bed!
“If you’re going to buy one piece of really expensive furniture, get a quality bed with the best mattress. You’ll spend up to 1/3 of your life in this spot with this person.”
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