Ah, the internet: a veritable treasure trove of beliefs, debates, and the periodic uninvited comment on your spiritual well-being. You’ve seen it before, perhaps even been on the receiving end of the classic, “You’re going to hell!” What’s a witty, everyday individual to do in the face of such a proclamation? Worry not, dear reader, for this is the article where we’ve gathered an all-star lineup of comebacks to the age-old question, “What’s the best response to a Christian saying ‘you’re going to hell’?”
See Ya
“See you there!”
“You beat me to the punch! I was going to say the same.”
“Careful, or I’ll take you with me.”
Too Judgy
“You’re awfully judgy for someone who is meant to be all welcoming.” I find that most ‘extreme religious people’ are the ones with the most anger/hatred/judgemental views against others than anyone else. They seem to think just because they worship, it makes them good. In reality, they use it as an excuse to push bigoted views.”
“It’s social conditioning more than the faith itself; the same goes for other faith backgrounds too. They all do it a disservice, sort of counter-productive, really.”
“We are supposed to remember right from wrong but not to harass anyone for not believing the same way. We are supposed to speak the truth, and if it is not welcomed, then we are supposed to go away and leave it for God to decide, not verbally attack people.”
Already Arrived
“Judging by the present company, I’d say I’m already there!”
Bad Threat
“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
“I’ve said this to my extremely religious father, and he’s like, ‘It’s not a joke, it’s eternal fire!’ I’m like, yeah, Dad, with all the people that are going to be there, it seems like it’ll be a party!!”
“Preferably sung to them, to the tune of the Panic at the Disco song of the same name….”
The Original Bible
“Start explaining how hell wasn’t part of the original Bible. It was added with the King James translation. Just one of many things he changed about the original fairy tale. In the original Bible, it was Gehenna – the valley of Hinnom. A place where they put dead animals and trash to rot. For some reason, they didn’t think people would understand where this place was, so they switched it with hell, and suddenly, this whole supernatural underworld with demons was added. Apparently, the original fairy tale wasn’t dark enough, so they added a few extra chapters to really ram home the point of how good a religion it’s supposed to be.”
Run Away!
“I’m a Jewish lesbian. *big smile* The preachy types run away like it’s contagious.”
Au Revoir
“I’ll save you a seat.”
“Or, especially if they are older than me, ‘save me a seat!'”
No Judging
“Judge not lest ye be judged.”
“I just say ‘James 4:12’ and walk away. Let them look it up because they never know. For context, here it is:
‘God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?’
“Exactly. Use the Bible to YOUR advantage.”
Would He?
“Is that what Jesus would say?”
Don’t Believe It
“You can’t threaten me with something I don’t believe in.”
Bible Verse
“Isn’t there a bible verse against crap like that? Mattheus 6, verses 5 and 6, maybe? It was something like ‘The ones who judge will be judged themselves in a bad way’ or something.”
“Mathew 7:1.”
Our Judge
“Hmm. Since I’m a saved Christian, I would remind them that God is actually our Judge. I would also encourage this person to read scripture and immerse themselves in the word of the Lord. Christians who tell others they’re ‘going to hell’ are n00bs or posers, lol.”
Best Music
“Hell’s got all the good bands anyway. This is a line from a Flaming Lips song and a personal favorite.”
There Are Others?
“’I’m a Methodist????’ And look very confused by them. In my experience, those types are usually evangelicals and legitimately don’t know other denominations exist, or Baptist and are taken aback that I’d claim a denomination at all.”
Keep Quiet
“Silence. I’ve wasted my breath far too many times with people who, in reality, actually don’t deserve my time or energy.”
Lots of Fun
“Cool, that’s where the fun people are!”
“That’s where the terrorized people go to spend eternity who don’t repent.”
God’s Call
“I grew up in a very Catholic household. I am non-practicing now, but I vaguely recall there being some rule about not telling other people that they were going to hell because only God could make that call, and it was blasphemous to think you had his powers. I’m sure I’m not getting it 100% right, but that is the gist. So I’d probably say something like, ‘Isn’t it a sin to play God?’”
Fake Christian
“A Christian would never say that. Only a fake Christian with no love in their heart would utter such rubbish.”
Glorious Goodbye
“Yeah? And here I’d been wishing I’d never see you again! Slightly modified from the ‘I’d tell you to go to hell, but I’d rather not see you again!’ Lol”
What Power?
“My favorite Neil Gaiman Sandman quote: ‘What power would hell have over me if I weren’t allowed to dream of something better?’
I also like, ‘Great! They’ll have better music, and ALL my friends will be there!'”
Look It Up
“As a Christian myself, I loathe people who do this. It’s been said to me plenty of times, usually by random strangers. I just tell them to go look up 1 Samuel 16:7 and walk away. Sometimes if I’m feeling frisky, I’ll say they’re missing the main point. I usually go with something like, ‘Jesus isn’t a fire insurance policy, and if that’s the basis of your faith, I’m afraid you may get there before I do.’ If the argument is they’re just ‘loving’ you by telling you the truth, love them right back, yes?”
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